How To Use Tarot for Closure & Letting Go at Samhain
There is something about autumn that makes endings feel closer. And feel more real.
The leaves have fallen. The days are shorter. The darkness arrives earlier.
We see reflected in nature what we may be feeling inside.
The world seems to be reminding us that nothing stays the same forever.
And that’s OK.
Samhain is often associated with endings, transition, remembrance and the thinning of the veil between worlds.
For many people, it is a time to honor those who have passed, reflect on the cycles of life and acknowledge what is coming to an end.
But endings aren't always about death.
Sometimes we have to let go of people who are still alive.
And sometimes those endings are the hardest ones.
A friendship that slowly disappeared.
A family relationship that became too painful to continue.
Someone who ghosted you without explanation.
A relationship that ended without the conversation you thought you deserved.
Or simply a person who was once an important part of your life, but no longer walks the same path.
Sometimes there is no dramatic ending.
There is just a realization: This isn't what it used to be.
And now you're left trying to figure out what to do with that.
And you are grieving a loss that is different than when someone passes.
Finding closure and letting go seems natural at a time like Samhain.
Not Every Ending Comes With Closure
I've been thinking about this throughout my Letting Go series from How To Reclaim Your Power When Someone Ghosts You to Mabon and the Art of Letting Go: What Are You Ready to Release.
In my first post, I wrote about being ghosted and the particular hurt that comes from being left without answers.
Sometimes we want closure so badly that we believe we can't move forward without it.
We want to know why:
Why did they leave?
Why did they stop calling?
Why did they change?
Why wasn't I worth an explanation?
Did I do something wrong?
Could I have done something differently?
And sometimes we may never know.
That's one of the hardest things to accept.
We can spend so much time looking for the missing piece that we forget something important: Their explanation isn't the only thing that can give meaning to what happened.
You can acknowledge that something hurt you without understanding every reason behind it.
You can accept that someone made a choice without agreeing with it.
And you can create your own closure. That’s where your power lies.
Closure Doesn't Always Come From Another Person
I used to think closure meant having the conversation.
The apology.
The explanation.
The chance to say everything I needed to say.
And sometimes those things do happen.
But sometimes they don't.
And sometimes when they happen, it’s not in the way you thought it would be.
Sometimes the person who hurt you isn't capable of giving you the conversation you wanted. Or needed.
Sometimes they don't believe they did anything wrong.
Sometimes they've already moved on.
And sometimes they simply don't come back.
That can be incredibly painful.
But there comes a point when waiting for someone else to give you closure keeps you tied to the very situation you're trying to move beyond.
Closure can also be a decision you make for yourself.
Not a decision that says, “It didn't matter.”
A decision that says: It mattered.
It hurt.
I wish it had been different.
And I'm choosing to stop letting the ending determine the rest of my story.
The People We Have To Let Go
One of the difficult things about letting go is that we can miss someone and still know that we need distance from them.
Those two things can exist together. A harsh reality, but it’s very true.
You can love someone and still need boundaries.
You can remember the good parts of a relationship and still recognize that it no longer belongs in your life.
You can wish someone well and stop reaching for them.
You can grieve someone who is still alive.
And you can be grateful for a chapter without wanting to return to it.
I think that's one of the deeper lessons of letting go: It doesn't have to be all or nothing.
You don't have to convince yourself that someone was terrible in order to move forward.
You don't have to erase the good memories.
You don't have to pretend you never cared.
You simply have to be honest about what the relationship is now.
And sometimes the best thing is for the person to not be in your life anymore. Whether that was by their choice or yours in setting boundaries.
It’s OK to recognize a relationship for what it has become and realize it doesn’t fit your life anymore.
It’s OK if it hurts, but you know it’s the right thing for you.
What Samhain Can Teach Us About Closure and Letting go
Samhain invites us to look at the things that are ending.
Not necessarily with fear, but with awareness.
There is something powerful about acknowledging that a season has changed.
We don't ask the trees to put their leaves back.
We understand that their letting go is part of the cycle. It just happens in nature.
Maybe our lives have cycles too.
Some people are meant to stay for many years.
Some stay for a season.
Some teach us something we couldn't have learned any other way.
And some relationships end before we're ready for them to.
That doesn't necessarily mean the relationship was meaningless.
It means the relationship had a chapter.
And sometimes we have to allow the chapter to close especially if we are trying to move forward and continue our book of life.
Let Tarot Help You Find Your Own Closure
Tarot can't make someone give you an explanation.
It can't change another person's choices.
And I don't think we should use tarot to endlessly ask whether someone will come back, what they're thinking or why they treated us the way they did.
Instead we can turn the cards toward ourselves and find the lesson we need to learn.
Because sometimes the question isn't:
“Why did they leave?”
It's:
“What do I need to understand about myself now?”
Not:
“Will they come back?”
But:
“What happens when I stop waiting?”
Not:
“Do they regret what they did?”
But:
“What do I need in order to move forward?”
That's where tarot can become a powerful tool for self-reflection.
The cards don't have to give you someone else's answers.
They can help you hear your own.
The cards can help you recognize what you may already know deep down.
Letting go can be difficult. But to move forward, it’s important to close the chapters of our life that are over.
Tarot Cards for Endings and Closure
Let’s take a look at a few cards and how we can apply them to letting go. I suggest pulling these cards from your deck and spending a few moments meditating with them.
When I do this exercise, I like to sit comfortably on my meditation pillow with my tarot journal nearby so I can write the impressions that I get. This is the journal I'm currently using Celestial Tarot Journal.
I find automatic writing helps. Take one card at a time. Look at it closely. See if anything pops out for you. Then take your journal and start writing. You’ll be amazed at what comes through.
All of the pictures are from my favorite tarot deck, the Cosmic Tarot Deck. Despite having dozens (and I mean dozens!) of tarot and oracle decks, this has been my go-to deck for more than 30 years.
Death — The End of a Chapter
Death is probably one of the first cards that comes to mind when we talk about endings.
And while the card can look frightening, its symbolism is often about transformation.
Something is ending.
Something is changing.
Something cannot continue in exactly the same form.
Sometimes the most empowering thing we can do is stop fighting the ending and ask what it is making room for.
The Death card reminds us that it’s time for a change. And in order for things to change, something has to end. Not only may it be the relationship, but also your perception of it.
You cannot hold onto something that is keeping you in the past if you are trying to move forward.
The Hermit — Finding Your Own Answers Within
The Hermit is a beautiful card for a conversation about closure because it asks us to turn inward.
When someone leaves without explaining why, it's natural to look outside ourselves for answers. We replay conversations. We wonder what we missed. We question whether we should have done something differently. We ruminate over everything.
We may even spend far too much time trying to understand someone else's behavior when the answer may never come.
The Hermit offers another path.
Instead of continuing to look outward, we can become quiet enough to listen inward.
What do you know about the relationship now that you couldn't see before? What did you learn about yourself? What did the experience teach you about your boundaries, your needs, or the kind of relationships you want in your life?
The Hermit isn't about isolating yourself or pretending you don't need anyone. It's about creating enough space to hear your own wisdom.
Sometimes closure begins when we stop asking, "Why did they do this to me?" and begin asking, "What do I need to understand about myself now?"
You may never know their reasons.
But you can still come to understand your own experience.
And sometimes, that is where the healing begins.
Three of Swords — Allowing Yourself to Grieve
You can't talk about endings without acknowledging grief.
The Three of Swords reminds us that healing doesn't require pretending something didn't hurt.
You are allowed to say: This broke my heart.
You are allowed to miss someone.
You are allowed to be angry.
You are allowed to wish things had been different.
Feeling the pain doesn't mean you're failing at letting go.
It means you're human.
Allow yourself to feel. Allow yourself to grieve. It’s OK. And those feelings may come back in the future. That’s OK too.
Queen of Swords — Boundaries and Truth
The Queen of Swords reminds me of the clarity that can come after we've allowed ourselves to feel everything.
She doesn't need to pretend.
She can acknowledge the truth of a situation and make a decision based on what she knows.
Sometimes closure looks like a boundary.
Sometimes it looks like no longer reaching out.
Sometimes it means accepting that you cannot change another person's behavior.
And sometimes the most loving thing you can do for yourself is stop asking someone to show up in a way they have repeatedly shown you they won't.
The Queen of Swords puts the power back in our hands.
The World — Completion
The World is a beautiful card to consider when you're ready to close a cycle.
Completion doesn't mean that the experience didn't matter.
It means you've integrated what you needed to learn.
You can carry the wisdom without carrying the wound forever.
You can take all the lessons, all the joy, the fun times, the good memories and even the pain and combine it.
Each part of that is a part of who you are today.
It’s OK to acknowledge that. The good, the bad, the ugly.
The World is what it is because all the parts made it whole. All of those parts in your past have made you whole too.
A Samhain Tarot Ritual for Closure
You don't need an elaborate ritual. And if you’ve read some of my other work, you’ll know that I like to keep things simple.
Simple rituals can be very effective too. Sometimes more so because it gets right to the point. So let’s get started.
Find a quiet place.
Light a candle if you'd like.
Take out your tarot deck and your journal.
Think about a person, relationship or chapter of your life that you're struggling to release.
Don't force yourself to feel a certain way.
Just acknowledge what is there.
Using the same Seven-Card spread that we used in the last two Letting Go blogs, lay your cards out in the same manner.
Then ask the cards:
1. What am I still grieving?
2. What am I having difficulty accepting?
3. What did this relationship or experience teach me?
4. What does my intuition already know about this ending?
5. What am I ready to stop carrying?
6. What boundary would support my healing?
7. What can I carry forward with me?
Spend some time writing after each card.
You don't have to interpret everything perfectly.
In fact, don’t try analyzing it right away. Just take your first impressions.
Sometimes the first thing you notice: the image, feeling, memory, or word that comes to mind, is worth writing down.
What If You're Not Ready to Let Go?
This is important.
You don't have to force closure because the calendar says it's Samhain.
You don't have to release someone because you've decided you should be over it.
You don't have to burn a letter, throw away photographs or declare that you're completely healed.
Sometimes letting go happens slowly.
Sometimes we let go in layers.
One day you release the anger.
Another day you stop checking for a message.
Another day you realize you're no longer wondering what they're doing.
And one day you notice that the person who once occupied so much space in your mind simply isn't there anymore.
That's healing, too.
Sometimes you let go and feel ready to move on and then Bam! It all comes back again.
That’s OK too. Take your time with letting go.
There is no timeline for moving on. Recognize your feels and know that it’s OK to feel what you are feeling.
Honor What Was. Release What Is.
Maybe this is what I love most about the symbolism of Samhain.
It doesn't ask us to pretend that endings aren't painful.
It asks us to acknowledge them.
To honor what came before.
To remember.
And then, eventually, to turn toward what comes next.
There are people who have been incredibly important to us who won't always remain in our lives.
There are relationships that will change.
There are versions of ourselves that we will outgrow.
And there are chapters that will end before we are ready.
That doesn't mean we failed.
It means we're human beings moving through seasons.
You can honor what was without holding onto what is no longer meant for you.
You can love what a relationship once gave you and still choose not to continue it.
You can grieve the ending and still move forward.
You can wish you had received an apology and still stop waiting for one.
And you can find your own closure.
Maybe you will never get all the answers.
Maybe you will never understand why someone chose to leave.
But you can still choose what happens next.
Their silence may have been the ending of that chapter.
But your story continues on and you can write it however you want.
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